Following up on my Forgiveness and Indra’s Net post, I think a lot of times forgiveness just makes things more difficult. I know this is not an opinion that is going to be popular with religion or modern psychology but my experience has been it’s been true. Wrongs never go away in my mind, particularly ones that have caused the most fallout. I still try to treat the perpetrators of these wrongs well and this s a lot harder than just cutting them off or treating them like crap. And this non ill treatment is what’s the hardest. I think people who are jerks to people who wronged them are generally not rabidly evil, they just don’t want to put forth the effort to take the high road.
Underlying all of this is a current in neurotypical culture where some things people say are true while others are knee jerk dissembling reactions to hard truths (generally noble lies). The idea that forgiveness always makes you feel better is one of these noble lies (like money and status aren’t everything for a man). Forgiveness can really be healing but it can also be wounding and subject the forgiver to increased depression.