navigating a world which feels like gravity is working in reverse

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some angry poetry

God doesn’t “elect” most of us on the spectrum
because he hates us just as much as everybody else does

who’s more powerful than God?
the people who own him!

when people say looks can kill
what they really mean is that bad looks can
because looking bad is often a sure ticket to loneliness
and loneliness is as bad for you as smoking

being accepted by Christians
involves reverse gaslighting
getting them to think you are extra sane

ever-ee time i contemplate suicide

my brain is a microcosm
of a world without God

the heart is like a pinata
it makes itself beautiful
with the unconscious aim
of being broken open

to most people you are a baseball card
they are looking for your stats on the back
or filling them in with their mind
given what they see on the front

i believe suffering is good
it’s good for making you go on the government dole
it’s good for making everyone but helping professionals
stop talking to you
it’s good for others who now have more access to life gems
you were competing for (good jobs, mates)
it’s good for stealing meaning from your life
because the good things in your life like dignified work and relationships
were the things that gave meaning, and are the very things suffering takes away
it’s good for making all your conversations consist of emotional baggage
so nobody wants to talk to you
it’s good for alienating you because you no longer have common experience
so you have nothing positive to say
it’s good for making you invisible (at best)
because you often have something visibly wrong with you
that makes others feel uncomfortable

no justice
no peace
no goodness
no hope