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a dark Holy Saturday

I miss the open mics. I miss hugs and gentle touch. I miss restaurant ice cubs at the bottom of a diet coke that you can suck on without the middle tasting like chlorine. It seems like the world has been burning so long it’s hard to remember a time where we could just ignore the News and there was no consequence for doing so. Or hear another headline and just be stopped in your tracks. Also whenever I get an alert tone on my phone that used to be for Amber alerts but now is for governor’s alerts I think this is the big one, this is the time the nukes from God knows where are headed for us.

hard times
produce soft dicks

When someone you love cuts you off
It’s like never getting to finish a good book

people are the opposite of prisms
because it’s beams of darkness
that bring out their true colors

people for whom life is to be enjoyed
push this idea for those lower down
that one is conscripted into life
and you should just shut the fuck up
no matter how bad things get

people who romanticize suffering
never romanticize its byproducts
dole, derision, desertion, and death

evil is like taking a shit
it feels good to you but no one else

people tell me “anything can happen”
as if that is a good thing

the worse your mental health
the more your religious expression
either rounds up to psychosis
or rounds down to deism


God didn’t die
they were STOLEN

God’s despair is cathartic
Even as religious people say ours is sin

I know
i was poor in all of my past lives
and whatever ends up happening to me
i will be poor and with fellow messed up people
on earth, in heaven, in purgatory, and in hell

living in the moment is difficult
when you know the worst is yet to be

we aren’t begging for a loaf of bread
we just need a trail of crumbs
to lead us out of the cave

we call it daymares
when your waking moments
are worse than anything your feeble mind could conjure in sleep
in the back of our minds we always knew it would end
but it’s still hard when it’s ending this way in front of our eyes
when you fire up the news
looking back on the destruction
it turns you into a pillar of salt

i have this convention
from my journals as a kid
that the easy times are written about marker
and the hard ones in pen or pencil
in 8th grade
in the recess area that was all cement
and in the locker room in gym class
being pushed into a urinal on two different days
i have always been a poor example for Christians
because i never learned anything from suffering
only the light let in sustained me
like the Krakle and Mr. Goodbar every week
on the welcome mat for hungry 8th grade paper boy me
or an acquaintance sticking up for me in the locker room in gymn class
these small kindnesses
were the harrowing of hell

we may melt away
before coronavirus does
night is coming when no one can work
but come to think of it
we didn’t really appreciate the day
so its nautical twilight
to a truly dark Holy Saturday
the Father was the sun
the Son was the sunrise
and the Spirit was the atmosphere
that held in the warmth and breath
and spread out the light

(and this is the one I sometimes read at the open mic when it is Maundy Thursday)

the thief comes only to kill and destroy
do not fear those who kill the body and after that have nothing more they can do
who touched me, i felt the power go out of me
be clean
even the hairs on your head are numbered
she has done what she could. She poured perfume on my body to prepare for my burial

are you going to leave me too
how i wanted to gather you in my wing like a chicken gathers her chicks
my children, i will be with you only a little longer
where i go you cannot come
she has done what she could. She poured perfume on my body to prepare for my burial

i lay down my life for my sheep
wash my feet with your tears
Why do you seek the living among the dead?
i saw the devil fall from the sky like lightening
how i wanted to gather you in my wing like a chicken gathers her chicks