navigating a world which feels like gravity is working in reverse

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negative symptoms

negative symptoms
are radioactive decay
of a part of yourself
into nothing

One thing people gloss over in the whole mental illness thing (because it doesn’t have negative social effects for anyone but the sufferer) are negative symptoms.  These are parts of yourself that the metal illness destroys permanently.  In my life I see less and less of myself by the year.  Not many other people see this because there was so much of myself that I hid from everyone.  But potential friends see it right away which is part of the reason I haven’t made a single friend since moving here five years ago.  Part of friendship is the person’s image of you in their mind comes largely from when they first met you.  That’s why I made friends when I was in school and had a job because I was more of a person then and was connected to worth-making entities.

I liken a life being destroyed by negative symptoms to a dog that is tied to a leash around around a tree.  As time goes by he gets the leash wrapped around the tree more and more, giving him less room to roam.

A song I wrote about negative symptoms.