navigating a world which feels like gravity is working in reverse

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Low Tide

You are at a beautiful beach at high tide.  Then the tide recedes and you see a ton of garbage that has sunk to the bottom.  That’s the way I feel about the interplay of my pathologies,   The negative symptoms of my bipolar have made my autism spectrum symptoms more acute.  I think in pictures more now.  My cadence is off (I respond too early to people’s words).  Part of it is just that I don’t have the inner strength to put forth the effort to pass off as neurotypical.  The other part of it is I feel more comfortable acting like an aspie so even things about me that allowed me to pass off as neurotypical I have jettisoned in the name of convenience or maybe even laziness.