navigating a world which feels like gravity is working in reverse

Expandmenu Shrunk


epistemology of mental illness

I think on a deep level the millennial generation’s (1 in 4 of us has a mental illness) drift away from religion and traditional moral constructions is explainable by something I like to call an “epistemology of mental illness”.  Things simply don’t work the same on a deeply human level.   Take my poem

psychology says we want to kill ourselves when we are insane
and want to live when we are sane
bipolar disorder says exactly the opposite

I and lots of bipolar people live in an inverted reality.  Mostly because depression is so powerful it becomes reality so escaping reality becomes the only way to really live.

mental illness a template
your emotions divorced
from your circumstances
and they wonder why we love getting high

I can watch the most beautiful sunset and feel like shit and sit by a heating vent and feel great because my emotions are at the whim of the chemicals in my brain and little else.  And then we have people using alcohol and drugs to actively divorce their emotions from their circumstances, partying.  But the more you do the more divorced they become and it’s a vicious cycle.

Mania is a starred Mario
But back to depression
You pick up with the amount of fortitude
You left off with

The starred Mario analogy describes the recklessness of mania, how it makes you feel invincible and this is it’s beauty but also it’s bane, as this recklessness can cost you falling through the bottom of the screen which you are not protected from.

But back to depression, the amount of fortitude is like a the same variable in two different namespaces, non depressive namespace and depression namespace.  Modifications in one namespace doesn’t affect the other.  So when you leave non-depression you pick up with the amount of fortitude possessed in your depressive state.  This flies in the face of everything religion and traditional culture tells you, because rest and joy are supposed to tide you through the bad times.

(anti natalism)
if life truly were a gift
mine would be received as one

One of the Christian tropes is the “sanctity of life”.  Apparently it doesn’t cover how you get treated in church because I don’t get treated well there so I’ve stopped going.  Also, what is your value worth if you can’t cash it out?  If your therapist thinks you’re worth something that’s great, but once you walk out the door of that therapist’s office if you can’t cash out that said worth on a date, at a job interview, or in church, what is it really worth?  It’s like salt that doesn’t have it’s saltiness.