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  • …envious of people who can play mind games

    The difference between a mind that can play mind games and a mind that cannot is as big of a difference between a smartphone and a landline.  The former can run all manner of apps while the latter is stuck just being a phone.  I’m envious of people who can shift in and out of magical thinking at the snap of a finger.  And they can do this with the goal of getting something in the hereafter.  Meanwhile I’m here stuck in the mud of logical thinking.  Therapy only really works if one can play mind games, tricking yourself into thinking differently about the actors and situations in your life.  Change inside of you only happens with a human authority as a proxy (though admitting this weakens the authority figure’s power over you so one must pretend the change is of their own volition).  But you have to buy into said authority figure (pastor, therapist, or someone else) and play mind games with their authority stories they tell you.

    I look at mind games as the bacteria in one’s gut.  We have this knee-jerk response, “oooo bacteria’, but without those bacteria we wouldn’t be able to digest our food properly.



  • online friendship

    A prominent Christian anarchist (who was actually at my closest friend from college’s wedding) stated that one cannot be friends with someone with online-only interaction.  I believed this until today.  Yes online interaction might not be the ideal most incarnational medium to form relationships but for someone like me who was moved to a city five and a half years ago and has not made a single real-life friend here online friends are a godsend… even if I’ll never see them in real life.



  • ====——……

    The truly powerless people are the ones who are at the bottom of society but had a good education.  I had a damn good education at Wheaton College (IL) and it taught me how to think critically (not that great of a thing for my Christian faith but I digress).  The reason I say we are at the bottom is because an uneducated person who is on the bottom can play mind games that make their plight at least bearable.  I can try to play them but I deconstruct them and am back to square one.

    For example, pretending you have a shot at winning the lottery, or that you’ll be in a good hereafter if you just believe and conform to the right things.



  • let’s talk about the weather

    weather_mar

    Two years ago we had a heat wave early March.  This weather map above is from that heat wave.  Below is a diagram of high temperatures (kind of like a tree ring) with the outermost years the latest.  As you can see the March highs were in the eighties.

    mandala_point

    If you are using a non Internet Explorer browser or Internet Explorer 10 or above you can explore the weather mandala for yourself.



  • numb

    My cat died more than a week ago and the only thing I feel is numb.  I even listened to Duruflé’s Requiem and felt hardly anything and that usually brings out a certain amount of catharsis.

    I also sometimes think I see Frisky out of the corner of my eye.  But then I look and it’s just something else.



  • The Sunglasses Con

    You are in a city with crowded sidewalks.  A guy in a crowd bumps up against you and his sunglasses fall off and shatter on the ground.  He accuses you of running in to him and breaking them and then says they were $150 Oakleys and demands you pay him $150 to replace them.  You aren’t buying it.  At this point he asks for $125 and then his price keeps coming down and down.  The point here is while you might not have been sure it was a con initially, it is glaringly obvious now.

    The moral of the story is YOU are the sunglasses.  You don’t realize you’re worthless right away after being broken but after awhile it begins to dawn on you.  And as it does (and as you descend lower and lower) society’s lies about you being worth something are expressed in an increasingly ridiculous fashion, and eventually stop altogether.



  • put down

    My cat is set to be put down today at three in the afternoon.

    It is strange to me that humans can’t just go somewhere to be put down if they can’t find a job.  We see the unemployed being put down against their will in the T4 program Hitler started.  But in most other cases people are forced to live without a job, even if they don’t want to.  The ending of one’s life is out of one’s own hands either way.