navigating a world which feels like gravity is working in reverse

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  • How We’re Treated

    From the Realistic Autistic, Reading Implicit Attitudes:

    This discovery can essentially be summarized as: “In general, and without better knowledge, people think other people deserve how others treat them.”  So, if a family with an autistic child attends a family function, but the people around them already know their kid sometimes acts strangely or “misbehaves,” they may avoid that family, and others will notice and assume that family is somehow unpleasant, standoffish, or deserving of that avoidance.  Same goes for an autistic employee at a work party, church function, or other gathering.

  • my disorder

    A poem from Brooklyn at open mic last night:

    A public service announcement:
    My disorder does not have an off switch.
    My disorder is a living thing.
    My disorder is a puppeteer
    Sitting in my skull,
    Pulling strings,
    And fucking with my thoughts.

    My disorder is a coward.
    She hides behind a mask of her own making.
    It slides across my face like prison bars,
    Closing me in,
    Pushing you out.

    My disorder is a siren.
    She swims in waters of loathing,
    And comes to the surface to croon tunes in the key of deceit
    Their melodies so sweet,
    That I am drawn into her lies.

    My disorder and I are alone.
    We stand in a storm,
    Waiting forever for the eye.
    Fog rolls between drops of rain and tears,
    And hides hands of help.
    To see is to believe,
    And we are blinded by lightning strikes.

    My disorder and I are an artist
    We take beauty from panic,
    Pull poetry out of pain,
    Weave tapestries of words to hang upon the walls of this broken home—
    This broken brain.
    We lavish in the things that are really killing me.

    I’ve forgotten how to trust anything but my disorder.
    I’ve forgotten the notes to every happy song I have ever known.
    I’ve forgotten the difference between manic and ecstatic.
    I’ve forgotten what happy feels like.

    I can’t hear,
    I can’t hear their kind words.
    I can’t feel,
    I can’t feel their outstretched hands.
    I can’t see,
    I can’t see their concern.
    I can’t believe,
    I can’t believe that they care.
    Even if they do.
    Even if they are.
    Even if they’re there.
    Even if they scream.

    My disorder does not have an off switch.
    She is alive.
    And she is a bitch.

    By Brooklyn 

  • humanism wasted on humans

    And the Gentiles shall come to thy light, and kings to the brightness of thy rising.  – Isaiah 60:3

    We should all be grateful for humanism and Judaeo-Christian influence for bringing it about.  I think it did have a positive effect on rulers.  While a lot of rulers don’t profess Christianity they still rule with humanism in mind.

    I emailed someone who is pretty high up in the religious and political landscape and he agreed with me that Trump was not a humanist.  That scares me much more than whether he professed Christianity or not.  We were so used to humanism it became like an appliance that you don’t think about when it’s working.  You only think about your washing machine when it starts breaking down.  Now people are starting to think about humanism again after what they repeatedly see in the news cycle.

    The irony is not lost on me that evangelical Christians elected the first non humanistic president in the nation’s history.

  • Trust

    According to a Pew survey millennials are not trusting:

    Millennials are less trusting of others than older Americans are. Asked a long-standing social science survey question, “Generally speaking, would you say that most people can be trusted or that you can’t be too careful in dealing with people,” just 19% of Millennials say most people can be trusted, compared with 31% of Gen Xers, 37% of Silents and 40% of Boomers.

    I think this mistrust informs our perception of value.  Pretend you are in a casino at a poker table.  But you don’t trust that the poker chips can be cashed out so you don’t bother playing.  For a lot of us, a thing’s value isn’t derived from what it is claimed, it is derived from how easily it can be cashed out.  Think of the “you have innate worth” trope that gets trotted out time and time again in modern psychology.  We ask, why can’t our supposed “worth” be cashed out anywhere but the therapist’s office.  Why can’t it be cashed out at the job interview or in church or at the club?  And if it can’t be is this worth worth anything in the first place?

    When there is mistrust in the financial markets everyone flocks to gold.  When there is mistrust present in a generation people flock to things that can be seen and felt.  We flock to pets, platonic relationships and nature.  Religion, marriage, and political parties not so much.  The bigger of a group of people involved in something generally the worse the results.  As I wrote in my other blog, trusting is deferring to a person or institution with power with a best case scenario of breaking even.

  • Song for the times: I’d Never Lie to You

    Perhaps my favorite Christian song ever written is Never Lie by Daniel Brindley (brother of Luke Brindley, who is a lyrical force in his own right).  I’m not actually sure if it was titled Never Lie or not because I got it from the artist himself when we roomed on the same floor my freshman year of Wheaton.  Just a ton of heart and talent and the lyrics have never been more relevant in the rule we seem to be under now.  You can listen to the song below or download it here.


    because I need to
    I will follow
    I will be there
    the sound of your all mighty voice
    I’ll be your servant by choice

    because I need to
    all my painting
    my creating
    I must surrender to you
    lies to be known what’s true

    come sit by me, my good faithful servant
    I’m your king it’s true, but I’ll be your lover too
    I’d never lie to you
    I’d never lie to you

    because I need to
    I will bow down
    make a pleasant sound
    to you who are all full of light
    sent out the call to arise, arise, arise, arise

    come sit by me, my good faithful servant
    I’m your king it’s true, but I’ll be your lover too
    I’d never lie to you
    I’d never lie to you

    come sit by me, my good faithful servant
    I’m your king it’s true, but I’ll be your lover too
    I’d never lie to you
    I’d never lie to you

  • Trump Winning

    Why Donald Trump will be our next president:

    Trump is not simply leading “Republican voters”—that was not his strength, to begin with. You will hear or read many commentators saying that what Trump could achieve in a Republican primary contest is not the same thing as what he can do in a general election. Maybe—if this were just another of the preceding elections where the status quo was safe. The fact is that Trump won by bringing in voters who were neither identifying as Republican (many if not most of them being Independents), nor prepared to vote Republican, nor were some even considering voting (ever) until Trump. The fact therefore is that Trump has already been campaigning in a general election. The Republican contests have been the sites of the greatest voter turnouts thus far, and in some critical electoral states more have already turned out to vote for Trump than for Clinton. All of the excitement this time is on the Republican side, the side on which Trump needed to win in order to win the general election.

  • Offensive Holding on Fourth Down in Field Goal Range

    There was a play in the Super Bowl, not sure which team, where they were near the end zone and on fourth down there was an offensive holding call on a play they made a first down on.  That offensive holding was probably what allowed them to make the first down.  The penalty was accepted but since the call was before the play they still got to replay the down to kick a field goal.  This didn’t seem fair to me, kind of like a loophole that is bound to be exploited more and more as the game goes on.