navigating a world which feels like gravity is working in reverse

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  • Category Archives Power Dynamic
  • Tech Job Interviews Are Basically Hazing

    I recently read one of the most profound Reddit comments I have ever read, in response to someone suggesting the thread poster go into tech. They said tech job interviews are basically hazing. I wish someone would have told me this 20 years ago, it could have saved me a lot of heartbreak. Unlike hazing at Army boot camp which is designed to tear you down temporarily for them to build you up in their own way, job interview hazing is just them taking advantage of you because of the great power asymmetry that exists in the whole ordeal.

    I have a visual impairment physical disability which means I can’t see very well at certain distances and have very thick glasses like Milton from Office Space. People have brought up my visual impairment and told me I couldn’t do the work because of it. I even had a local recruiter tell me I had to make people comfortable with my physical disability because the presence of it caused the room unease. Even disclosing my disability has not made things better, one person after I disclosed my disability just assumed I couldn’t see. They didn’t write back.

    I get it that society is becoming increasingly harsh and hurtful and people far from privilege are the ones who bear the brunt of it. But a lot of what keeps people far from privilege down is failing at the critical junctures such as job interviews which determine whether or not they get to develop to their full potential and contribute to society.



  • Competitive Praying

    One thing they left out of the Book of Common Prayer is that in order for many of your prayers to work they have to be uncommon, they have to beat out all the others’ prayers for the same thing.  For example if you are vying for that good house or that job with a living wage, you are competing with many other people.  Your prayer needs to work better than theirs.  Obviously this gets left out in religious literature since religion was created by people on the top who would win at anything they competed for by virtue of being on top.



  • poetry on the bride of Christ

    if i were an organ in the body of Christ
    it would be the appendix
    because i make the rest of the members of the body so uncomfortable
    they cut me right out

    when the church abdicates the responsibility to care for the poor
    and the government steps in and takes its place
    Christians are livid and try to cut that government programs
    while letting those affected by the cuts whither on the vine

    if God was close to the people nobody talked to in church
    they would be talked to in church

    at best, Christians would say
    suffering metabolizes personality into character
    well guess what,
    character doesn’t get you talked to at church

    People with disabilities are kryptonite for prayer
    We bring the total success score of the church’s prayers down

    whether you are treated well in church
    depends on whether you ADD TO God
    or SUBTRACT FROM him

    when the church, God, and the devil are all saying the same things to me
    i know all thr33 fuckers are lying
    (that’s why they don’t let me around 17 story ledges)

    the part of the body of Christ that usually holds the power
    is the asshole



  • 6 Harsh Truths

    One of the best summaries of conservationism I have ever read:

    Oh, wait, did I forget to mention that part? Yeah, whatever you try to build or create — be it a poem, or a new skill, or a new relationship — you will find yourself immediately surrounded by non-creators who trash it. Maybe not to your face, but they’ll do it. Your drunk friends do not want you to get sober. Your fat friends do not want you to start a fitness regimen. Your jobless friends do not want to see you embark on a career.

    Well I’m screwed.  Thank you very much.  Because of a visible physical disability as well as invisible ones my main avenue for showing my virtuosity is independent projects.  Once I was promoting my Bible project and the people on the site tore me a new one.



  • holding territory

    the lower you go
    the more your life resembles war
    your responsibility is to hold territory
    and the rest of the world’s responsibility is to hurt you for doing so

    I was meditating on this poem and thinking about how the more disabilities you have the worse you get treated.  This isn’t just because you look different and don’t function as much but also because you are a net drain on the government’s resources rather than a net gain for it.  Every gesture you perform is taking up space that is not allotted to you.  Conservatives hate you and they rule right now.  They’re constantly trying to take away your healthcare because they relish seeing you destitute and on the street because it makes them feel better about them selves.

    Of course I made a mis (mister) stake today and went to church.  There was a blob of people all congregating around a table that just ignored all of us and I didn’t go bother force myself upon them.  I fucking hate religion but I need it to be true because I have nothing else.  So I force it upon myself which (witch) does not do anything good for my mental health.

     



  • what is this eudemonic pleasure you speak of?

    I don’t feel eudemonic pleasure.  I volunteer a lot because I can’t find paid work and don’t get pleasure from it.  The pleasure I feel is hedonic like when I listen to a good song or are with friends enjoying tea or a chai latte.  I think there are a few reasons for this, first being that I’m on the bottom so any time I help people it’s not happening by my own free will, it’s happening because disability based prejudice is keeping me from fully functioning in society (via getting a job).  Also generally classes that have been oppressed (such as African Americans) get less eudemonic pleasure out of uncompensated labor because it was forced upon them in the past.  The second being I have untreated depression and I think depression (at least as a male) makes you feel your station more at the expense of anything else you could be feeling.  So if you’re volunteering you’re thinking you are on the bottom instead of how much you are benefiting people.  Thirdly I can’t read social cues so when people are grateful it doesn’t often reach me.

    Society likes to denigrate people who only feel hedonic pleasure labeling them as selfish and entitled.  I don’t know what to say to that other than a lot of times it is something out of our control.



  • election

    Very happy the Democrats took the house.  Among other things Medicaid and Social Security would probably be gutted with two more years of one party Republican control.  We’re not out of the woods yet but the outcome was much better than what I expected.



  • used against you

    One of the greatest things I ever heard (don’t know who said it) was the question of whether something was worth using was answered by if it had been used against you.

    You could think of a myriad of examples but the one that stands out is the Republicans.  They voted in the 2010 midterms and turned things red.  Then they voted in the primaries to make things go further to the right.  Unfortunately the liberals won’t do the same thing.  If exactly what they want isn’t on the ballot they’ll stay home.  Look where that has gotten us!



  • humility

    I tend to regularly rail against western religion here but I will give it credit where it is due.  It has a failure management mechanism that isn’t half bad.  Basically modern psychology tells people to double down on their pride after they fail.  But Judeo-Christian faith asks people to see these experiences as humbling us and calls us to embrace humility.

    I look at the Democratic party, defeat after defeat, and still thinking ignoring the most passionate half of their constituents is a good way to run a political party.  I get it that the young people have figured out you’re in the pocket of of the oligarchs and you don’t like it.  You’ll have to get over this.  The Republicans embraced their outsider and you spurned him, look who’s winning.