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  • Category Archives Poetry
  • poetry about brains

    success is just being better at your brain
    than your brain is at you

    your brain is not a muscle
    in that things that strain your mental health generally don’t make you stronger
    they just weaken you the way a concussion does
    so that the next hit doesn’t have to be so hard to do the same amount of damage

    (being exposed to the truth!)
    things that exercise your brain
    make it hurt
    when it’s out of shape

    your brain needs to be a perfect ten
    to make religion work inside of/for you
    (busts out the miss brain USA ribbon)
    (God judges people by the brain they
    were born with the same way men
    judge women by their faces and bodies)
    YOU need a fountain in your brain
    chemicals running over
    to make the cognitive tricks you play in the middle
    so that you can sense God loving you
    then you have to astroturf the bad things
    and forgive the bad people
    in your life
    in an effort to make things make sense in hindsight
    (of course romanticizing suffering is mainly done to
    make those who suffer less [who generally have power]
    comfortable with your suffering)
    (forgiveness is just a cognitive trick you play to try to
    get over a wrong while defering to the person who wrongs
    [who generally has power])

    people can bring you to religion
    but only your brain can use it to find (conjure?) God!
    (praise the brain!)

    suffering coats your brain with teflon
    so the stuff before it happened sticks
    and the stuff afterwards just slides off

    (for those trying to proselytize)
    if you aren’t going to be the one there to
    scrape my brains off the walls after i blow them out
    your sales pitch doesn’t mean jack shit to me

  • the supernatural

    <<<my self>>>
    is the only protection i have
    against the experience of the supernatural (sewer-pernatural?)
    God, Satan, and all the rest
    they have little in common
    except for their hatred of me

    is often a polite and urbane way
    of saying one is getting fucked over by the supernatural

    the supernatural protects some (usually hardcore atheists) from itself
    those people experience 0 of it
    you LUCKY SONS OF BITCHES!!!!!!!

    The popularity of Pokemon Go has gotten me thinking about augmented reality and how the supernatural is an invisible layer superimposed on the physical world just like the world of Pokemon Go.  Of course in Pokemon Go anyone with an Android or iPhone gains a window into that world.  The actual supernatural is incredibly cagey and works almost the opposite of Pokemon Go and other augmented reality apps.  You generally have to believe in the supernatural to see it and it doesn’t avail itself on demand just by pulling out your smartphone.  It’s a lot more like the street.  Within 8 hours of being on the street predators already are aware of a runaway’s predicament and start swarming.  Like the street the supernatural is not a world where conventional smarts will do you much good.

  • more poetry – i can’t halucinate encouragers

    science is on the axis of inquiry
    religion is on the axis of love
    when they stay in their places
    they leave enough room
    for each other to breathe

    stop telling people God is love
    (as if it were a reflexive relation)
    because then when they stop seeing love
    they’ll stop seeing God
    and walk out your door

    if God is holding his breath today
    it just means he’s going to breathe on you harder

    when there’s an alpha male in the room
    you piss off
    you are fucked
    when there’s an alpha male in the sky
    you piss off
    you are fucked and damnned

    hopelessnes is like tinnitus
    if you can’t effectively mask it
    it will destroy you

  • Letter to Mother Nature by Wayne Bowerman

    where do i begin? never felt like we were friends
    and then religion taught me to hate you:
    “look at those pagans beneath the constellations
    demonic stations, only jesus saves you
    she’s just a bitch with an ironclad grip, fleshy fists
    she’ll grab your soul and cage you”
    awkward kid with backwards lid, a fat wordsmith
    so of course i longed to escape you
    with ammunition from a tradition or superstition
    docetic, domestic jesus call it gospel
    reading those who wrote in paul or moses’ name
    dimly through lens of plato and aristotle
    with half truths abounding it was easy to believe
    we were fairly representing the apostle
    pitting flesh and spirit we understood that we’ve
    got to escape, and can’t escape being docile
    so we took to militancy with surprising resiliency
    suing teachers dismissing finds of fossils
    extremist took drastic measures against doctors
    while children died from swollen tonsils
    were they afraid you’d woo us with your beauty
    when they started questioning your years?
    maybe if we believe you’re younger than you look
    we’ll stay gridlocked in all these fears
    question your wisdom and integrity and our ability
    to read the signs that you give us
    feeling filthy, i’m just as guilty of such propagation
    now i’m praying dear god forgive us
    trying my best to resist the ever present temptation
    to pit one mother against another
    the church is still my station despite all this vexation
    and so i hope she knows i still love her
    i just want to pay the respect that’s long overdue you
    ’cause in both your waters i find life
    the modus operandi is god’s hand working through you
    despite suspicion of you that runs rife
    confess but maybe don’t believe the word became flesh
    and in flesh and blood there is life
    sometimes i wonder why he didn’t just stop the 5th day
    say it’s good and make you his wife

  • poetry (I’m late, April was National Poetry Month)

    there’s often a story behind old cloths
    the people who reject you for the old cloths
    wouldn’t be interested in the story

    people who were coddled
    and people who were spanked and thrown around
    will just talk past each other most of the time

    I will make a poor showing in the hereafter
    the parts of me I connected to God through
    were destroyed by my mental illness

    I go to a church
    God’s rays penetrate
    I go home more deranged than I came

    when you wash your hands of those destroyed by suffering
    they’re clean enough to do God’s work

    the world is like a paper shredder
    it tears you up
    and puts your words out of existence

  • more poetry

    hope is that space in the middle
    between conjecture and wishful thinking
    and when times get lean
    that space becomes the fat that burns away
    forcing you to choose between the two

    when you have multiple disabilities
    you just have to be twice as good for half as much
    because being good is the only bulwark
    against the world being cruel

    science is for the why
    humanities is for the why bother

    no, society is not broken
    it’s working perfectly
    it only seems broken to those of us far from privilege

    if God were on Yelp
    he’d get mostly five star
    and one star reviews

    as long as righteousness is isolating
    and sin is communal
    sin will win

  • poetry 12 24

    pointing to Jesus
    in defense of Christianity
    is like pointing to the product packaging
    in defense of a product’s quality

    when you admit you’re suicidal to someone you want
    that relationship generally kills itself

    (don’t lean against your invisible cage in a way that creates a posture that couldn’t be maintained solely by your own balance)
    you can’t out the beliefs that you’re not allowed to hold
    because then the powerless would catch on that these beliefs were empowering

    the gospel is fresh water
    to those who are being redeemed
    and salt water
    to those who are perishing

    suffering is measured with an odometer
    the short distance is comedic
    the longer distance is tragic
    and the longest distance flips back to being comedic

    you can tell you are in a hallucination
    when you’re right too much of the time

    when you’re mentally ill
    God and the devil
    are like wires of a bomb
    and you never know where to cut

    there’s a surefire way to test the character of someone you’re in a relationship with

  • suffering and character

    life rarely decrements gently
    you usually lose a lot of things at once

    I don’t see anything redemptive in any of my suffering, at least not in any way shape or form that offers any benefit to me.  As one of my poems suggest, suffering may build character in one’s life but it definitely removes characters from one’s life!  “God’s plan” is complete red herring because people will let you know your life isn’t going according to it by treating you like you’re invisible.  Very little of what I write is redemptive because very little of what I experience is redemptive.  And the rare times I do experience things that are redemptive I chalk them up to dumb luck because they happen so seldom.

    Keep in mind all my poetry and all my writing (especially writing on religion) is a waste product of my mind.  I don’t regard it as anything above that.  The programming I do and the music I (rarely) write is the non waste product I produce (admittedly I produce less of this than the waste).

  • truth we can handle

    the mentally healthy can take religion
    a kernel of crazy stuff
    with a shell of rationality
    but those of us mentally ill
    eat through the shell and cannot handle the kernel

    I don’t choose what to believe
    the evidence
    chooses for me

    Listened to an amazing Blind Hour podcast on bipolar.  One of the things I took away from it is it’s very hard not to give in to psychosis.  This has been a fundamental to the way I reckon truth.  I have deeply personal reasons for tying truth to the things I tie it to.  For me it’s a grounding mechanism, a bulwark against encroaching psychosis.  The guy in the podcast who was bipolar said the medication kept 95% of the psychosis away and my experience bares that out.  Belief in the supernatural and in particular that a god is talking to me has caused me a whole heap of trouble in the past so I avoid it now.  God has basically told me to date women out of my league, drink piss, and kill myself so I don’t think too highly of his advice.

    Communications with God are so hard to shake off, no matter how toxic, because communicating with a deity is, by its very nature, extra-rational.  You consult a deity when you need an opinion that might not line up with reason or what those around you want you to hear.  Crack open a Bible and you will hear God telling people to do all kinds of interesting stuff.  Delusions of grandeur brought on by psychosis are easier to combat because once you start thinking rationally again you can read cues from the rest of the world as to your place in society and since those cues persist through all levels of sanity they’re easy to accept.

    And then, whaddaya know I got people shoving religion down my throat because I am in a low position in society and the answer to all your problems (even your problems with religion) is more religion!  You don’t shove peanut butter down the throat of a kid who has peanut allergies do you?  Then why do you shove God down the throat of someone who obviously had adverse reactions to God and religion?