navigating a world which feels like gravity is working in reverse

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  • Category Archives Poetry
  • voice that won’t betray me

    Unreal 2 by Purple Motion [YouTube]

    God might send my heart to heaven
    but he is going to send my brain STRAIGHT TO HELL
    for thinking things it’s NOT SUPPOSED TO
    (my brain drives my heart, it gets to override
    anything coming from there)

    true love is the opposite of stretching
    if it doesn’t hurt you’re doing it wrong

    “man’s greatest virtue
    is God’s greatest vice”

    most of modern life is living inside the whirlwind of dueling psychologies
    and the lower down you are the more intense the storm is
    (because the idea that you have innate worth is shown to be a lie while
    while being lied to that it’s true is most intense)

    being a failure is like getting your eyes dilated
    the things of this world grow strangely bright!

    love doesn’t usually win
    but it often dies trying

    Carin, she was the voice in my head that didn’t betray me
    God, not so much

  • poetry on sin, the devil, and other things

    blasphemy is a boomerang
    it will come back to you!
    the blade
    on the edge of the boomerang
    is what you feel
    going through your neck

    the two sins you can commit in a bed
    fornication and despair

    some people get enough of the devil’s love
    to balance out God’s hatred of them
    unfortunately, both God and the devil hate me

    Christianity is a coefficient
    it multiplies good people’s goodness
    and multiplies wicked people’s wickedness

    D D D D D D D D D D Dd D D D D D D D D D D D
    D D D D D Dd D D D DD D D D D D Dd D D d D

    when you have hopelessness
    in front of your nose too long
    it gets behind your eyes

    the devil is a gentleman to those everyone else is a gentleman to
    fall further down and all his errs are off

    who is worse
    the devils
    or the church who turns away those with devils?

    Christians don’t understand
    if the devil can’t own your soul
    he can always rent it

  • above and below

    capitalism is adversarial by nature
    because they’re trying to charge the most
    and you’re trying to get the lowest price

    you can’t force a mind to be free
    it must free itself
    on its own free will

    modern psychology has made life all about
    empowerment and personal happiness
    but what ends up happening with this
    is the personal happiness of the most powerful wins out

    I am such an abhorrant poisonous person
    many people will only hang out with me when in groups
    to have other people as a buffer
    to contain my Satan-ness
    (I am Satan’s one way mirror
    people see him in me
    even though he hates me so)

    lots of diseases kill
    but depression goes about it
    the most creatively

    Satan’s pal’s evil power pales
    in comparison to evil men’s

    More poetry

  • epistemology of mental illness

    I think on a deep level the millennial generation’s (1 in 4 of us has a mental illness) drift away from religion and traditional moral constructions is explainable by something I like to call an “epistemology of mental illness”.  Things simply don’t work the same on a deeply human level.   Take my poem

    psychology says we want to kill ourselves when we are insane
    and want to live when we are sane
    bipolar disorder says exactly the opposite

    I and lots of bipolar people live in an inverted reality.  Mostly because depression is so powerful it becomes reality so escaping reality becomes the only way to really live.

    mental illness a template
    your emotions divorced
    from your circumstances
    and they wonder why we love getting high

    I can watch the most beautiful sunset and feel like shit and sit by a heating vent and feel great because my emotions are at the whim of the chemicals in my brain and little else.  And then we have people using alcohol and drugs to actively divorce their emotions from their circumstances, partying.  But the more you do the more divorced they become and it’s a vicious cycle.

    Mania is a starred Mario
    But back to depression
    You pick up with the amount of fortitude
    You left off with

    The starred Mario analogy describes the recklessness of mania, how it makes you feel invincible and this is it’s beauty but also it’s bane, as this recklessness can cost you falling through the bottom of the screen which you are not protected from.

    But back to depression, the amount of fortitude is like a the same variable in two different namespaces, non depressive namespace and depression namespace.  Modifications in one namespace doesn’t affect the other.  So when you leave non-depression you pick up with the amount of fortitude possessed in your depressive state.  This flies in the face of everything religion and traditional culture tells you, because rest and joy are supposed to tide you through the bad times.

    (anti natalism)
    if life truly were a gift
    mine would be received as one

    One of the Christian tropes is the “sanctity of life”.  Apparently it doesn’t cover how you get treated in church because I don’t get treated well there so I’ve stopped going.  Also, what is your value worth if you can’t cash it out?  If your therapist thinks you’re worth something that’s great, but once you walk out the door of that therapist’s office if you can’t cash out that said worth on a date, at a job interview, or in church, what is it really worth?  It’s like salt that doesn’t have its saltiness.


  • our words are aggregated instead of illuminated

    For a poetry Facebook I experimented with combining programming code with poetry, in this case JavaScript, JQuery, and (for grabbing the Twitter and Yahoo feeds) some server side code.

    I started out with a poem that does random lines and progressed to one that modified the text size as things went up.   And then one about time wearing on that pulls data from various calculations and places.   And who could forget about a national debt poem.

    Finally I did a poem for Easter that contains The Beatitudes interspersed with tweets from someone you’ll just have to guess.

    PLEASE NOTE: If you are viewing these on a phone you may have to press the Run button in the top left to have them show.

  • appliance

    the greater of two evils
    is going to work their hardest at portraying
    the lesser of two evils as too evil for your tastes
    so you choose neither and they win by default

    Government is like an appliance.  You don’t notice when it’s functioning but it’s all you notice when it isn’t.  People didn’t realize this and millennials didn’t come out and vote in high enough numbers because they weren’t offered everything they wanted.  They only thought about them selves.  Not enough people voted purely on the well being of their fellow man.  Well look what we got now!

  • poetry about brains

    success is just being better at your brain
    than your brain is at you

    your brain is not a muscle
    in that things that strain your mental health generally don’t make you stronger
    they just weaken you the way a concussion does
    so that the next hit doesn’t have to be so hard to do the same amount of damage

    (being exposed to the truth!)
    things that exercise your brain
    make it hurt
    when it’s out of shape

    your brain needs to be a perfect ten
    to make religion work inside of/for you
    (busts out the miss brain USA ribbon)
    (God judges people by the brain they
    were born with the same way men
    judge women by their faces and bodies)
    YOU need a fountain in your brain
    chemicals running over
    to make the cognitive tricks you play in the middle
    so that you can sense God loving you
    then you have to astroturf the bad things
    and forgive the bad people
    in your life
    in an effort to make things make sense in hindsight
    (of course romanticizing suffering is mainly done to
    make those who suffer less [who generally have power]
    comfortable with your suffering)
    (forgiveness is just a cognitive trick you play to try to
    get over a wrong while defering to the person who wrongs
    [who generally has power])

    people can bring you to religion
    but only your brain can use it to find (conjure?) God!
    (praise the brain!)

    suffering coats your brain with teflon
    so the stuff before it happened sticks
    and the stuff afterwards just slides off

    (for those trying to proselytize)
    if you aren’t going to be the one there to
    scrape my brains off the walls after i blow them out
    your sales pitch doesn’t mean jack shit to me