navigating a world which feels like gravity is working in reverse

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  • Category Archives Faith
  • nothing popping up

    you may feel you are facing an impossible situation, but the bible says, “God… is able to do far more than we would ever dare to ask or even dream of, infinitely beyond our highest prayers, desires thoughts, or hopes.” Eph. 3:20 We are here to help you, help you help yoursel

    Sounds wonderful.  But what Christians tend to do is try to rope people in with these claims and then backpedal once people experience enough of the religion to realize it isn’t anything like it’s advertised.  A lot of people are good at selling to themselves the fact that the promises aren’t anything like the actual experience…  but some of us are so far gone we NEED God to act as advertised and when he doesn’t the consequences for us are dire.  When you get to the end of your rope you are at the end so can’t play the cognitive tricks needed to pretend “God” is there.  Of course people too invested will do damage control, find a silver lining, and romanticize the suffering for the sake of making them and others around them feel comfortable with it (nobody, regardless of religion, has the capacity to deal with senseless evil and chaos).

    It’s not my fault a personal God isn’t accessible but I get blamed for it.  It’s like one of those 3D popup books where you stare at visual noise and expect some figure to pop out at you.  You can live a lie and say you see the image but you can’t make that lie last.  God doesn’t exist in a way that is willing to be put to the test, which when times get lean you need entities in your life who are willing to be put to the test.  Not entities that you have to do damage control and make excuses for.



  • poetry on sin, the devil, and other things

    blasphemy is a boomerang
    it will come back to you!
    the blade
    on the edge of the boomerang
    is what you feel
    going through your neck

    the two sins you can commit in a bed
    fornication and despair

    some people get enough of the devil’s love
    to balance out God’s hatred of them
    unfortunately, both God and the devil hate me

    Christianity is a coefficient
    it multiplies good people’s goodness
    and multiplies wicked people’s wickedness

    D D D D D D D D D D Dd D D D D D D D D D D D
    D D D D D Dd D D D DD D D D D D Dd D D d D

    when you have hopelessness
    in front of your nose too long
    it gets behind your eyes

    the devil is a gentleman to those everyone else is a gentleman to
    fall further down and all his errs are off

    who is worse
    the devils
    or the church who turns away those with devils?

    Christians don’t understand
    if the devil can’t own your soul
    he can always rent it



  • God’s Goodness

    God’s perceived goodness is like an odometer.  People who have great lives generally believe God is good.  People with middling lives don’t as much.  But when things get bad enough people start viewing God as good again.  This is why more people would say God was good in sub Saharan Africa where there is dire poverty than in Europe where there is relative security.  Of course when you are in extrmis you don’t have the luxury of hating God.  You are so far down you need all the allies you can get even if it comes at the expense of authentic self expression.



  • simulation?

    If they find out the universe is a simulation then the supernatural and afterlife suddenly become a lot more plausible.  This is because science is just the computer code and there is no reason why things can’t deviate from it once in a while.  Living things could have separate disk images that described them so when they died they would be loaded up again.  And of course there would be glitches and bugs you would be able to observe which for some people matches our world.

    Of course if the universe is a simulation I would say it is one that has run a muck.  But one with nonetheless a lot of beauty.



  • Stigma Around Pointing Out the Obvious

    One of the things in the NT world is there is blow back for pointing out the obvious.  For example:

    “Death is nothing to us. When we exist, death is not; and when death exists, we are not. All sensation and consciousness ends with death and therefore in death there is neither pleasure nor pain” – Epicurus

    An after life is an NT thing, people on the spectrum generally only believe in things that have been shown to be true by scientific evidence.  My grandma just died and I’d like to think she is in heaven but you know what, heaven is a fantasy.  That doesn’t mean that people don’t have the capacity to believe it is real.  It’s just that that takes faith which I do not have.  If there is no evidence for something, it’s not true.  The thing is, if I pointed this out to my immediate and extended family who are mostly all Christian, they would have a fit.  I think this is because they know deep down that faith is the only thing keeping their belief in heaven intact.  If they were to let their guard down and lose this faith then they would be back to where I am believing only in things that have been shown to be true by scientific evidence.

    The other thing I wish people would have let me know that I would never get a job above a janitor job because of my visible visual impairment physical disability.  My dad did mention this once in 2002 after me talking to him for a long time but I didn’t take it to heart.  The thing about unwritten rules is NT’s want the world to appear more just than it really is so when someone outs some unwritten rules that show it to be less just, they are not looked kindly upon.  If I would have known I could never get a job because of my thick glasses I would have invested my time and energy elsewhere.  No point in learning programming if you aren’t going to be able to get a job in it due to a disability.



  • Pride

    Pride isn’t so much of an entity in and of itself is it is a glue that holds everything else in one’s life together.  For example take your typical window shade.  It will have a shade and an apparatus to connect it to the window. Pride is like that apparatus.  Pride is commensurate with how much you have in your life just like the window shade apparatus would have to be stronger to hold up a heavier shade.

    Times in my life where I had the most I also had the most pride.  I have less now but it’s because I have less and less of what makes people worth something.  I find it ridiculous that Christians vilify pride.  This is because for a lot of people their pride is integral in holding up their faith (as it is to holding up everything else in their life).  Being right and righteous are two things that produce substantial amounts of pride and just happen to be integral to most people’s Christian experience.  Heck I was the most prideful when I was Christian.  Of course the party line is pride is a sin which is a ridiculous statement.  If you are going to invent a religion whose final product is prideful people, don’t bother calling pride a sin. It would be like selling cars with the emergency brake always engaged or having an over eaters anonymous meeting in a mall food court.



  • Conservative Christains’ Legacy

    Conservative Christians control all the levers of power in America.  Never mind how it happened here are three ways it will leave its legacy.

    Cuts in education are designed to produce an ignorant populace which will be more easily swayed by propaganda. Republicans know they can get the next generation by keeping them as far away from thinking critically as possible.  Religion can’t do this alone anymore, plus the younger generation is dropping out of religion like flies.

    The old chestnut romanticization of suffering.  When making people’s lives miserable you can claim it is for a “greater good” or “purpose”.  This doesn’t really work with most people but the people it does work for it works wonders.  They’ll put up with all the crap you throw their way because it’s “building character” or some other bull shit explanation.  Republicans are going to make the poor suffer but their greatest joy would be if we also loved it!

    Conservative Christians want to make the world such a bad place to live that one will need to rely on religion to survive it.  This is actually the goal of all religions.  That is why the worst places in the world are the most religious.  If you don’t have anything going in this life you might as well pretend you are going to get something good in the next one.  Republicans don’t believe in climate change and the usual explanation is it’s good for business, but the real reason is when the world burns more people are drawn to religion.



  • a good thing?

    Why the fuck do people think Jesus being God is a good thing?  You want to call yourself God, knock your self the fuck out but you get all the baggage associated with that deity.  Why would anyone want that?  For me finding Jesus as God just means that Jesus wants me to do all the crazy shit God does (like drink piss, kill myself, and date women out of my league).  So for me Jesus had so much going for him before whomever wanted him to be God got everyone to believe he was.  So depending on what you experience of God, finding Jesus as God can be salvation or a damnation.  In my case the latter.