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  • Category Archives Aspie Specific
  • On Verbal Abuse

    Verbal abuse hurts the most when it is accurate.  People fed a diet of modern psychology wish to write off all abusive communications because the ill will of the person dishing out said abuse.  But the more wrong you have with you the more likely verbal abuse flung at you is going to be accurate.  For example I had a best friend years ago that called me pathetic.  Had I made something of my self that abuse would not have hurt so much.  Another girl on cutting me off said I was painfully awkward.  Also accurate.

    Pastors and psychologists generally have enough of their lives together not to have the verbal abuse slung at them be accurate.  But those of us lower down this is not the case.  And the cognitive tricks and platitudes helping professionals parrot don’t help us.



  • Sound Sensitivity: What Would Help

    Sarah did a great post on shopping sound sensitivity at Meijer.  I am very sound sensitive as I was born blind so have had to use my ears to make up for my poorer vision.  Plus I’m likely on the spectrum so have sound sensitivity due to that.  Here are some tips on how people can improve the lives of people like us:

    Produce speakers with directional sound.  Right now the technology is in its infancy and I only ever experienced it at a video game demo display at Best Buy but boy was it glorious.   You could hear the ad for the game but then if you walked a foot away you couldn’t hear it any more.  Imagine if TV sound bars had this technology to point the sound only at the people actually watching.  This would particularly help in small houses like I’ve lived in for the past 20 years where the living area is open plan so sound coming from one place fills up the entire floor.

    Provide better options for sound proofing windows.  Many of us sensitive to sound are bothered by the whine of neighbors’ heating and central air unit.  They have heavy curtains and other things but I don’t see a solution that could really block off the sound well.

    Make equipment produce gentler trouble tones.  This is actually a hard one because the beeps machines make when they alert you come from simple cheap sound hardware and for them to produce gentler tones they would have to upgrade said hardware.  It’s like how the default beep tone on the Super Nintendo was gentler than the one on the original Nintendo (because the Super Nintendo had better hardware).



  • Pleasantry Delusions

    One of the things I dislike the most about Christianity is that it says the pleasantry delusions are actually real.  Everybody knows pleasantry delusions are just delusions or noble lies, nothing more.  For example people don’t have innate worth (as those of us on the spectrum experience daily as we are on the bottom).  Or the idea that virtue is more important than power.  People on the spectrum don’t have the social acumen to see through these pleasantry delusions, particularly when raised Christian where they were told these were actual truths.  It makes figuring out the way the world works that much harder.



  • more poetry

    stemming is meditating
    for those of us who CAN’T FIND GOD
    in our brain OR out of it

    a cynic is someone who sees the world
    with a level of accuracy
    that makes others uncomfortable

    people who say God is near
    those his people are drawing away from
    are lying

    interactions after 40 are 4T, transnational
    all but the luckiest of us has so much emotional baggage
    that when we interact a good portion of the time it is transnational
    one person emotionally giving, the other emotionally taking
    and this pushes us away from wanting to interact with each other

    a lot of intellectuals say God isn’t
    well I say God is NT
    the same soft skills used to interact with people
    are used to interact with God
    your emotions have to function a certain way
    in order for any divine positive interaction to happen
    plus you need the church to not treat you like crap
    which is a rarity for those on the spectrum



  • Noble Lies

    One of the issues with those on the spectrum (including myself) is taking society’s noble lies at face value.  This has been a cause of consternation in my life.

    One of the noble lies I believed was that friendships would last forever (in some capacity) if both parties were close enough at a certain point in their life.  Of course I lost my closest friend from college to low status-itus.  I could have saved myself a lot of grief if someone had gotten it through my skull that most of the idealistic things people say are aspirational rather than actual.  Noble lies are a way for a culture to save face while not changing things structurally in any meaningful way.

    For example the idea you have innate worth.  Pretty people didn’t like the idea that they were just getting by on their looks so they invented the idea that everyone had worth regardless of looks.  Of course if a noble lie is true for you (you happen to be pretty) then it is easy to believe and transmit.  But when you are on the bottom (like a good portion of those on the spectrum are) all the noble lies are definitely lies.  You must keep frame of reference in mind because a noble lie is often true to the person telling it so they are behaving in a rational manner.

    The bullshit of noble lies are like bacteria in your gut, some is needed to digest everything else.  However those of us on the spectrum need extra help teasing out aspirational beliefs from the ones that actually hold true.



  • Fight or Flight

    Great post on fight or flight from The Realistic Autistic:

    This reminded me of a theory I read years ago regarding deer, humans, and human society. Deer have two modes: calm and upset. They mainly live in calm, unless predators or some kind of threat occurs. At which point they switch to upset, and fight or flight their way through the situation until they’re out of it. After which they switch back to calm.

    Humans used to work similarly. When threats occurred, we fight/flighted to deal with them and then returned to being calm. The theory goes that as human society developed, we also developed things that register as a threat but can’t be dealt with appropriately using fight/flight. Money problems and angry bosses at work, for example. These situations put us into fight or flight mode, but because they can’t be dealt with so simply, we can get stuck in fight/flight instead of returning to calm.

    The theory posits that this is part of where depression and anxiety come from, and possibly other forms of mental illness as well. Heart disease, poor sleep, and other physical symptoms follow as well. Living “on edge” all the time has costs to your mental and emotional health, after all.



  • Taking On a New Thing

    People tell you to improve your life you need to take on a new thing be it a job, a medication, volunteering, or something else.  What they fail to tell you is if you are on the bottom it is very difficult to impossible to actually quit that new thing you tried.  This is because if you are on the bottom you generally don’t have much control over your life, your handlers have control of it.  It’s like the cars that had their accelerators suck.

    I want to quit my job and my volunteering but I can’t.  I would not have started volunteering if I had known I didn’t have the option to quit.  But when you try things people assure you that you can quit them.  This is a lie, they know if they told you the truth, that you couldn’t quit, you wouldn’t try anything.  So they lie.



  • The easy route is to not forgive

    Following up on my Forgiveness and Indra’s Net post, I think a lot of times forgiveness just makes things more difficult.  I know this is not an opinion that is going to be popular with religion or modern psychology but my experience has been it’s been true.  Wrongs never go away in my mind, particularly ones that have caused the most fallout.  I still try to treat the perpetrators of these wrongs well and this s a lot harder than just cutting them off or treating them like crap.  And this non ill treatment is what’s the hardest.  I think people who are jerks to people who wronged them are generally not rabidly evil, they just don’t want to put forth the effort to take the high road.

    Underlying all of this is a current in neurotypical culture where some things people say are true while others are knee jerk dissembling reactions to hard truths (generally noble lies).  The idea that forgiveness always makes you feel better is one of these noble lies (like money and status aren’t everything for a man).  Forgiveness can really be healing but it can also be wounding and subject the forgiver to increased depression.



  • the DIS in disability

    Often the the DIS in disability grows larger as you get older.

    For me it was obvious because by 16 my vision was too bad to drive so I was suddenly different from everyone else.  At 24 when I was too mentally ill to live on my own I was again different than everyone else (back then there was still a lot of stigma around people living at home).  I never found a real job after that largely due to disability based prejudice.  Failing to live on my own the stigma grows with each passing year.

    Adulthood is no picnic to those of us with disabilities because adulthood itself is marked by milestones like having a car, a job, a place, a community that accepts you, etc..  and a lot of us don’t have any or many of these things.  Childhood has its own pitfalls but for a lot of us it was better (except for those who were bullied all the time).