navigating a world which feels like gravity is working in reverse

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  • Purple Motion

    One of my favorite tracker artists of all time Purple Motion just released his CD on Spotify.  You can see a YouTube Version.

    Tracker music was from the Amiga days when you had a lot of synthesized instruments and sampled ones.  The parameters made for a really unique sound.  I owned an Amiga 600 so part of it is nostalgia.



  • epistemology of mental illness

    I think on a deep level the millennial generation’s (1 in 4 of us has a mental illness) drift away from religion and traditional moral constructions is explainable by something I like to call an “epistemology of mental illness”.  Things simply don’t work the same on a deeply human level.   Take my poem

    psychology says we want to kill ourselves when we are insane
    and want to live when we are sane
    bipolar disorder says exactly the opposite

    I and lots of bipolar people live in an inverted reality.  Mostly because depression is so powerful it becomes reality so escaping reality becomes the only way to really live.

    mental illness a template
    your emotions divorced
    from your circumstances
    and they wonder why we love getting high

    I can watch the most beautiful sunset and feel like shit and sit by a heating vent and feel great because my emotions are at the whim of the chemicals in my brain and little else.  And then we have people using alcohol and drugs to actively divorce their emotions from their circumstances, partying.  But the more you do the more divorced they become and it’s a vicious cycle.

    Mania is a starred Mario
    But back to depression
    You pick up with the amount of fortitude
    You left off with

    The starred Mario analogy describes the recklessness of mania, how it makes you feel invincible and this is it’s beauty but also it’s bane, as this recklessness can cost you falling through the bottom of the screen which you are not protected from.

    But back to depression, the amount of fortitude is like a the same variable in two different namespaces, non depressive namespace and depression namespace.  Modifications in one namespace doesn’t affect the other.  So when you leave non-depression you pick up with the amount of fortitude possessed in your depressive state.  This flies in the face of everything religion and traditional culture tells you, because rest and joy are supposed to tide you through the bad times.

    (anti natalism)
    if life truly were a gift
    mine would be received as one

    One of the Christian tropes is the “sanctity of life”.  Apparently it doesn’t cover how you get treated in church because I don’t get treated well there so I’ve stopped going.  Also, what is your value worth if you can’t cash it out?  If your therapist thinks you’re worth something that’s great, but once you walk out the door of that therapist’s office if you can’t cash out that said worth on a date, at a job interview, or in church, what is it really worth?  It’s like salt that doesn’t have it’s saltiness.

     



  • Men are different than women

    Imagine if you had the ability to clone adults with technology similar to the Star Trek transporter.  If you cloned a desirable women there would be another desirable women.  If you cloned a desirable man not so much.  This is because you’d have to clone his good job as well and simple economics wouldn’t make that possible.



  • Trust

    According to a Pew survey millennials are not trusting:

    Millennials are less trusting of others than older Americans are. Asked a long-standing social science survey question, “Generally speaking, would you say that most people can be trusted or that you can’t be too careful in dealing with people,” just 19% of Millennials say most people can be trusted, compared with 31% of Gen Xers, 37% of Silents and 40% of Boomers.

    I think this mistrust informs our perception of value.  Pretend you are in a casino at a poker table.  But you don’t trust that the poker chips can be cashed out so you don’t bother playing.  For a lot of us, a thing’s value isn’t derived from what it is claimed, it is derived from how easily it can be cashed out.  Think of the “you have innate worth” trope that gets trotted out time and time again in modern psychology.  We ask, why can’t our supposed “worth” be cashed out anywhere but the therapist’s office.  Why can’t it be cashed out at the job interview or in church or at the club?  And if it can’t be is this worth worth anything in the first place?

    When there is mistrust in the financial markets everyone flocks to gold.  When there is mistrust present in a generation people flock to things that can be seen and felt.  We flock to pets, platonic relationships and nature.  Religion, marriage, and political parties not so much.  The bigger of a group of people involved in something generally the worse the results.  As I wrote in my other blog, trusting is deferring to a person or institution with power with a best case scenario of breaking even.



  • humility

    I tend to regularly rail against western religion here but I will give it credit where it is due.  It has a failure management mechanism that isn’t half bad.  Basically modern psychology tells people to double down on their pride after they fail.  But Judeo-Christian faith asks people to see these experiences as humbling us and calls us to embrace humility.

    I look at the Democratic party, defeat after defeat, and still thinking ignoring the most passionate half of their constituents is a good way to run a political party.  I get it that the young people have figured out you’re in the pocket of of the oligarchs and you don’t like it.  You’ll have to get over this.  The Republicans embraced their outsider and you spurned him, look who’s winning.



  • The Myth of Disability ‘Sob Stories’

    Insightful post on disability:

    But most people with disabilities will not be remembered by history. They are usually living challenging lives with little to show for it: Unemployment rates are disturbingly high, health care costs are often debilitating, and the emotional toll of living with an “aberration” can rend families apart. The only thing that a fidelity to positive stereotypes accomplishes, then, is to absolve society of maintaining commitments to the disabled, like making places more accessible, since it would be ridiculous to aid people who already have a leg up with added perks.